Coping and Hoping

Since I started blogging I have been fascinated and inspired by the many blogs that I visit on a day-to-day basis. People have such interesting stories and life experiences. For the most part, the blog has been a positive resource and outlet for me, but at the same time, I can’t help but feel saddened and upset by some of the blogs I read about people just like me, for the most part, having a hard time coping with their illness.

One of my coping mechanisms is to always remain optimistic and to look on the bright side of things, (maybe to a fault). I think I inherited this quality from my grandmother. She is 95 years old and never complained a day in her life. I have vivid memories of the time she was fighting breast cancer. I went to visit her and she was wearing something on her head because the chemotherapy made her lose all of her hair. When I asked her how she was doing, she said, “I’m all right. I can’t complain. I’m just taking things a day at a time,” as if she was fighting the common cold. I respect my grandma a great deal for never complaining and never letting her grandchildren see her weak or defeated. It provided such a great model for me when I got sick. I decided that I was going to remain optimistic through the illness just like my grandma had through her bout and eventual defeat of cancer.

But reading others’ blogs makes me wonder if I am missing something or ignoring important symptoms. I don’t write about nagging symptoms on my blog because I try my best to ignore them. Sometimes I wonder if reacting this way causes some of them to snowball or flare up. I like to feel inspired by others’ coping with and overcoming their illness but even the most highly functional people who I read about seem to be hampered by occasional symptoms and it brings me down a bit.

I like to think that I’m running this race with each of you… Each person suffering from an illness that uses the blogosphere as an outlet is like a virtual sibling to me, there is a certain kinship among fellow bloggers who suffer from similar mental illnesses. Just like misery loves company, it is nice to share personal successes and triumphs with others experiencing the same milestones. I just don’t want to feel like in order to connect and relate to those bloggers I read about every day, I have to be struggling with the daily annoyances of an illness that is not totally in check.

I think I am being honest with myself when I don’t relate certain symptoms and warning signs on my blog for months at a time. I hope it’s because they aren’t present, but sometimes I feel like I’m pushing them away as I live my grandma’s life-long mantra of viewing the world through rose-colored glasses. I know that expressing one’s deepest issues on this forum and in therapy allows for real healing to take place which is why I don’t want to short-change myself by maybe sweeping some of my nagging symptoms under the proverbial rug. But it is hard for me to focus on fleeting symptoms when I work so hard every day to merely ignore them until they are gone.